Stygian
by LitaOsiris
Summary: The Delta Flyer has crashed and there may be no hope. Told from Janeway's POV. Warning: Angst.


Disclaimer: The characters and everything else with a Voyager reference belong to Paramount. They're not mine. I make no profit from this.

Note: This is my first fanfic. It may be just a once-off thing or I may do another one. We'll see how things work out.

* * *

Cold. It's cold. Why am I cold? As I move to take a deep breath I am aware of a new sensation. Pain. It starts off in my chest but moves to consume me. My abdomen, my sides, my head. Why is this happening? Ok think back. Retrace your steps. I am...Kathryn Janeway...Captain? Yes, Captain of Voyager. Cold. Delta Quadrant. Delta Flyer. I'm in the Delta Flyer. Flying. Failing. Shields failing. Thrusters failing. Brace for impact. Is that what happened? I try to move again but pain greets me with a vengeance. I submit to what my body is telling me. We crashed. Wait, we crashed? Who the hell is we?

I now realise a presence next to me. That's right; I wasn't alone on this mission, why didn't I recall that before? What's wrong with me? As I turn my head I am plagued by a fresh wave of torture that the movement caused. I halt my actions. Damnit there's no time for that, deal with it; I need to know who's beside me! I proceed, slowly, inch by inch. I eventually achieve my goal but it's too dark to see clearly. I can see an outline of a figure but no more. Why don't I remember? I try to call out, but I get no sound that resembles my voice. I am greeted by a faint gurgling followed by the escape of a warm, metallic liquid. As it rolls from my mouth and down the side of my face, I am strangely comforted by its warmth. I know I shouldn't be as it is joining a larger formation that has set itself up around the upper half of my broken body.

Time goes by. I lay staring, watching the silhouette in front of me, willing them to show some form of life. Nothing happens. I will them again, but they remain still. I can't even see if they're breathing. Breathing. Breath. An action I find more and more difficult to take with each passing moment. As strenuous as it was to move my head, I am forced to resign the movements of my body. Even shivering hurts...maybe that will stop soon as well. I know. I've given up, I've failed already. Well where's the Captain now? Kathryn's still here, she needs her help. Does she...do I not deserve it? The Captain helps others all of time, she goes out of her way to do it. Others, her crew, her friends, her best friend. My best friend. Chakotay. My mission. Mission. Away team. He's on the away team with me.

Light is now catching in the corner of my eye, but unfortunately there's no artificial comfort to this one. This is not the cavalry coming to the rescue of the fallen, no. I realise that this light is signalling the beginning of a new day on this world...as well as what could be the last of my own and her officer. As the features of the remains become more evident, my earlier musings prove themselves to be true. Chakotay. I see him. I see what remains of him. He's pale, lifeless. The large cut on his forehead has forcefully torn the pattern of his tattoo and extends far into his hairline. Much like my own, there's a crimson pool beneath his head, although I can no longer distinguish the individual owners. Am I now lying in his blood or is he lying in mine? Is this the only way we'll be joined together? I scan down the rest of his body to try and survey his injuries. One of his legs is lying at an awkward angle. His uniform is torn and charred in several places. I can't even begin to imagine the damage I can't see. I can imagine I don't look any better, I certainly know I don't feel any better.

I can see his left arm. It's nearer to my body than his own as if maybe he woke up before I did and tried to reach for me. Or maybe he just landed that way, maybe he never woke up, maybe he never...will. As I expel another measure of life from my body, I decide this will be the one last thing that I do before it kills me. I can still feel my left arm; I know it's within reaching distance of his. I will close that distance. I will not fail at this. Pain. This hurts a lot more than expected. Agony. I will not stop. Failing. No! I need this, I want this! My hand finally brushes against his. Before my strength runs out, I grasp under his hand and wrap my fingers around his. At that point I cease my movements; it was all I had left. Cold. I'm cold. He's cold. I had expected no different.

The light continues to fill the cabin and as I watch him closely I see the pool beneath his nose and mouth being disrupted ever so slightly. Maybe there's hope after all, maybe she hasn't failed, maybe I haven't. I still cling to his hand, to him, as if he's my lifeline in all this. In ways, he always has been. I still don't know what I'd do without him after all this time. Maybe if we could just hold on...if I could just hold on... It's difficult, and is growing even more so by the passing minutes. The shivering stopped long ago, I know I'm slipping. I can feel my eyes getting heavier all the time and I know that endless darkness is slowly but surely tightening its grip. They close. I fight to re-open them but I know it's a battle already lost. Sounds. I hear them. It's strange when it was quiet up until now. Is this the remedy I long to hear from? If you're here save him. Save him before me, I want him to live. I never wanted to condemn him to this fate and neither did she. Are you going to help me now Captain? Call it a last request. Is what I'm hearing a way out of hell…or is it just the last dying embers of life resonating in my mind?

I guess it's too late to know.


End file.
